Spotlight Interview - Brenan McGarrigle

How did you become a matchmaker?

Long before I ever thought about being a matchmaker, I was known as the friend who everyone went to for relationship advice. My friends could always count on me to “tell it like it is”. After watching many of them repeat the same dating mistakes, I would say, “Enough already.  Let me pick the next one.”  Next thing I knew, I was going to wedding after wedding of people who I had introduced.  (I won’t be offended if I'm not invited to your wedding though, I’ve been to more of them than I can count!)  There was a running joke between my friends that I had a magical sixth sense for matching people; but truth be told, I just listened carefully.  It got to a point where I began to wish I could make a living at matchmaking.  When I came across this unique opportunity, I jumped at it. 25 years later, I’m still here matching people and loving it. It’s probably safe to say I've found my calling.

Wow! 25 years is a long time. You must have worked with a lot of different people in that time.

I’ve matched people from all walks of life. Different religions, tall, short, big, small, professionals, politicians, farmers... you name it. But really, no matter who you are or where you come from, people still have the basic need of wanting to be with someone who just “gets” them. It’s that understanding of each other that gets them through good times and bad. Being happily married for over 20 years, I can surely attest to that.

A friend of mine joined another dating site and was told they weren’t matchable!  How can that be true?

Are there some people who are just destined to be single? Nonsense! After 25 years of doing this, I can tell you there is a lid for every pot. Now granted, some people can be a little more challenging than others. After all, this isn’t like ordering fast food where your soul mate arrives at your door in 30 minutes or less. It’s an involved process and you do need some patience. However, the most rewarding things in life are often a product of our hard work and determination.

So when you’re matching all these different types of people, how much do looks count?

Well, I won’t sit here and tell you that looks don’t count, but I will say it’s not the most important factor. At a basic level, two people need some chemistry between them because physical attraction alone is not going to keep a relationship together. There needs to be some substance. That physical attraction can easily change based on how well they mesh together. I know when I look at my husband today; he’s hotter to me now than the day I met him. I often like to quote, “You don’t love her because she is beautiful. She’s beautiful because you love her.” I don’t know who said it but whoever did couldn’t have been more right.

It’s great that you go through all of this work to find a terrific match. What’s your advice for the first date?

Good question. Beyond matching on personality, I often try to find interests between people that are either similar or complementary to one another.  Then, I point these out to help kick-start some conversation between them. I advise everyone to try and avoid talking about religion, past relationships, money and politics on a first date. Talk about other things you are passionate about. It’s not a job interview where you’re going to go over each other’s resumes. Relax, be yourself, don’t judge, and give the other person a chance to talk. Let things develop at their own pace. Everyone moves at their own speed within different comfort levels. Above all, if you do nothing else right, just be positive and keep an open mind! There is nothing attractive about someone who is pessimistic and negative.

Do you have a favorite success story?

I have plenty of them, but I’ll tell you about one that almost never started. I had these two members, Steven and Jennifer that had just joined us. I had this great feeling about these two from the start; it was almost as if they were made for each other. So I was enthusiastic about getting them both together. They had initially talked on the phone and really seemed to click. They decided to meet at Bella’s for dinner. Well, the next day they both called me one right after the other, each saying they had been stood up! Now, I’ve gotten to know both of them really well so I was bit puzzled, but I convinced them to try it again. Wouldn’t you know, they both called me back and said they had been stood up again! By this point, they were both done with each other and just wanted to move on. After a little more investigation, I came to find out that she was going to “Bella’s Café” and he was going to “Bella’s Restaurant” which were just a couple of miles apart! After quite a bit of convincing, I managed to talk them into giving it one more try. This time I picked the time and place for them and emailed them the driving directions. They both ended up at the right place at the right time and had a good laugh.  I’m happy to report six years later they are still together and laughing about their false start.

That’s a great story.  So, what’s the secret to your success?

The most important thing I do is listen and pay attention to details. What people don’t realize at first is that after making a match, I hear both sides of the story. There are times where I’ve wondered if the two people I had matched were on the same date together. But getting feedback from both parties is invaluable to me and with a gentle hand, some advice and guidance; I can help set people on the right course for success.